List of comedy features of the Stephanie Miller Show

This page is a list of comedy features of The Stephanie Miller Show.

Impersonations

Impersonations by Miller and Ward on the show make fun of both sides of the political aisle. Usually these impersonations exaggerate the voice of various pundits or political leaders.

• Michele Bachmann: These impersonations are simplified to a half-hearted "Yay" after a clip from one of Bachmann's political rallies.
• Marcus Bachmann: These impersonations exaggerate Bachmann's effeminate manner, frequently simplified to Stephanie singing loudly "Clang, Clang, Clang Went the Trolley!!"
• Wolf Blitzer: These impersonations always depict Blitzer as extremely constipated based on a supposed diet of hard cheese and drywall, since the Johnson administration (Andrew Johnson), followed by an explosion sound effect, and are almost always used in conjunction with that of Rita Cosby. Miller and Ward, in addition to impersonating both Cosby and Blitzer, often state that they would like to see the two engage in sexual relations, usually accompanied by an impersonation of the hypothetical scenario.
• Tom Brokaw: Ward's impersonations of the former NBC newsanchor features an exaggerated elongation of "L" sounds in words, and, subsequently, all the stories that "Tom Brokaw" reports have a liberal use of the letter L, such stories about Slobodan Milošević, Jalalabad, and others. When Harry Shearer calls in, Miller gets Ward to compete with Shearer for the best Brokaw impersonation.
• George W. Bush: These impersonations by Ward frequently exaggerate the long pauses and prolific use of "uh" or "er" throughout the impersonations (Hence "President Dial Tone"), which has Bush many times returning to the Republican rhetoric made by the President, such as "Freedom's on the march" or "Smoke 'em out" or "Shock and awe." Sometimes, during the impersonations, there would be a sound of a Bush riding a bicycle and ringing a bike bell; a reference to the fact that Bush rides a bike for exercise. Another running gag is his usage of the phrase "I like toast," which has not received an adequate explanation to date. When President George W. Bush delivers a speech that is carried live on network television, the show will broadcast the speech with side comments by Miller and Ward and some sound effects in a style similar to Mystery Science Theater 3000. Ward's imitation of Bush is so accurate, that listeners have complained that they cannot distinguish which words are said by the president and which are said by Ward.
• Dick Cheney: These impersonations are done by Ward talking into a coffee cup and imitating Darth Vader. In the background, the Imperial March theme from Star Wars plays. Usually, the impersonations end with so-called "Dick Vader" suggesting those that do not like what he says can "<bleep> themselves with" a seemingly randomly chosen object from Star Wars canon, no matter how unreasonable. Examples ranged from lightsabers to the planet Hoth and various star clusters. The quote is in reference to Cheney's vulgar comment to Senator Patrick Leahy in 2004.
• Bill Clinton: These impersonations by Ward focuses on the Monica Lewinsky scandal. Usually, they feature not-so-subtle sexual undertones, which usually ends with Hillary Clinton hitting Bill with a frying pan, often repeatedly.
• Hillary Clinton: These impersonations by Miller are reminiscent of the martians from the Mars Attacks! movie, featuring a nasally, high-pitched squawking sound. As such, there are no actual words used. The entire impersonation is made up of squawks. Recently, Hillary's frying pan (see Bill Clinton's entry above) has been used against other people besides Bill. Recently, however, Jim Ward has also started doing Hillary in debates against Senator Barack Obama. The character is voiced with the same Midwestern accent as Dennis Hastert and James Sensenbrenner, emphasizing flat "A's."
• Alan Colmes: These impersonations by Ward lambastes liberal pundit from Fox News' Hannity and Colmes, by making him sound like Milton Waddams from Office Space due to his timidity.
• Rita Cosby: These impersonations of the conservative pundit on MSNBC are performed by both Miller and Ward. Miller sometimes apologizes for these impersonations of Cosby, which exaggerate Cosby's husky voice, because Miller hopes that it's only temporary, and it "sounds like she was kicked in the neck by a horse", or alternatively, "hit in the throat by a dodge-ball". The impersonation is often used in conjunction with those of Wolf Blitzer. Since the death of Anna Nicole Smith, her voice has been accompanied by the loud chopping of a helicopter, referencing her penchant for reporting from them.
• Tom Cruise: Ward talks very fast to background sounds of springs being released, in reference to an incident where Tom Cruise jumped on the couch of The Oprah Winfrey Show. Ward's impersonations of Cruise usually end with insane laughter accompanied by a Cuckoo clock. Scientology and Cruise's supposed excessive control over Katie Holmes are a recurring theme. Whenever Cruise disagrees with a criticism of him, he accuses his detractors as being "suppressive and glib."
• Bill Gates: Ward's impersonation of the technology mogul is a stereotypical computer geek. There are frequent references to Star Trek, Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica, Dungeons & Dragons, and others. The impersonations are nasal and lisp-like, and usually giggly.
• Rudy Giuliani: Jim usually uses a lispy high-pitched New York Accent. Rudy's character has become somewhat of a hit during the beginning of the 2008 campaign when Rudy was still running, mainly to him summoning his wife Judy, when campaign hecklers were getting to him. He also mocks Giuliani's frequent mentions of September 11. After Giuliani dropped out of the 2008 Presidential race, Judith—appalled by Rudy's failure—ate her husband, finding him equally "crunchy and salty" as puppies and babies. He has, however, appeared a few times since then.
• Judith Giuliani: Rudy's wife, done by Jim, is in vein of a Demonic monster from the depths of Hades who munches on puppies, and salty baby skulls. She only likes to be called Judith.
• Newt Gingrich: Ward plays Newt with a decidedly "Kermit the Frog" cadence and flair. Stephanie has speculated that Newt is "paid by the 'frankly'."
• Alberto Gonzales: These impersonations by Ward of the "torture czar" are reminiscent of Mr. Rogers making blatant threats against the safety of those who listen to him. In the background, horror-themed sound effects play, like backwards music, screaming, chains clanking, etc. Lavoie and Miller have stated that they are scared by this character. During the time Gonzales was under fire in Congress, the threats were sometimes followed by clips of laughter from an audience, with Gonzales dismayedly asking why people are laughing instead of being frightened of him.
• Sean Hannity: In reference to his claim that Ray Nagin left hundreds of buses behind during Hurricane Katrina, Ward impersonates Hannity making a heartfelt plea involving: "The buses... why?" This is always accompanied by the flute ballad from "Terms of Endearment" that has become Hannity's leitmotif on the show. At times, Ward resorts to a "talking point frittata", where he randomly spouts Hannity's often-used talking points.
• David Hasselhoff: Is often having imaginary conversations with KITT during the Tinsel Talk segment where Hasselhoff will be discussing his misfortunes with KITT, usually ending up with KITT getting really annoyed and driving off, during these skits the Knight Rider theme song is played in the background with one noted exception when Hasselhoff and KITT do a Duet of Elton John and Kiki Dee's "Don't Go Breaking My Heart."
• Dennis Hastert/James Sensenbrenner: These appear to be exactly the same character. Ward impersonates these two Congressmen with a heavy Midwestern accent, rife with references to meats followed by a Lipitor chaser when their blood gets "chunky". Their catchphrase is "Oh God" pronounced "Oh Gadd!". The two characters have only been heard together once, and remain difficult to distinguish from each other. Stephanie's nickname for Senator Hastert is "Beefy McBratwurst."
• Arianna Huffington: These impersonations of the progressive columnist and owner of The Huffington Post blog by Miller exaggerates her accent so what she says is unintelligible. These impersonations are reminisient of Eva Gabor and lately, the Green Acres theme plays in the background during the impersonation. These are sometimes done during a round table discussion between Huffington, Ozzy Osbourne, Keith Richards and Arnold Schwarzenegger, all of which are done in exaggerated accents which are nearly unintelligible.
• Kim Jong-il: Ward impersonates the North Korean dictator with a stereotypically Korean accent, and depicts him as a parody of "Ghetto" street culture, using the appropriate slang ("K-to-the-J-to-the-I-L in the Hizzie!" or, alternatively, "Hizzouse"), and a stereotypical Engrish speech pattern (transposing L's and R's). This impersonation is a point of exasperation for Lavoie, with him saying, "Oh no" when Miller urges Ward to "do Kim Jong-Il". Ward's Kim Jong-Il is inordinately fond of the AMC Pacer automobile (he's had his own Pacer "tricked out") and Zagnut candy bars. He also expresses disgust with his son, whom he describes as being comically fat and gluttonous.
• Joe Lieberman: These impersonations of the Independent Senator from Connecticut are reminiscent of Willie Tanner of the 1980s sitcom ALF. Recently, Lieberman has also appeared in sketches featuring Presidential candidate Senator John McCain, usually correcting him when he makes an incorrect statement.
• Rush Limbaugh: These impersonations are usually done by Miller. The impersonation features a lot of loud breathing into the microphone, shaking of a pill canister, and shuffling of paper. Also, there is the use of "my friends" after almost every sentence.
• Chris Matthews: These impersonations are usually short, with Ward responding "Fair enough, hah!" in Matthews' voice due to his inability to challenge blatant lies told by guests. Lately, though, Ward's Matthews has been questioning those lies with an exasperated, "Ha! Fair enough!"
• Ozzy Osbourne: These impersonations are usually unintelligible, featuring Ozzy's mumbling breathy voice.
• Bill O'Reilly: Ward's Bill O'Reilly impersonation tends to sway towards Bill's misadventures in telephone sex with subordinate employees. O'Reilly's endless source of hypocrisy is gleaned from "tape recording devices" which is then hilariously lampooned.
• Randi Rhodes: These impersonations by Miller of the Nova M Radio host lampoon the host's measured "time checks" after a heated, breathless rant. Stephanie and Randi are very close friends and she expressed her open support for her "time-check sister" following her recent suspension and subsequent departure from Air America—one of the few progressive talk show hosts who did.
• Keith Richards: These impersonations, like Ozzy's and Arianna's, started out as unintelligible mumblings. However, as the show progressed, it was revealed that Richards' mumblings are an act, and that he actually speaks with a refined British accent, which he hides when his bandmates or others who don't know his true nature come around.
• Geraldo Rivera: These impersonations usually crop up during the "Right Wing World" section of the show wherein Bill O'Reilly and Geraldo discuss blatantly out-of-context and, therefore, homosexual themes. Usually, it starts with a clip of Bill and Geraldo talking about something, then Ward continues the subject into blatantly homosexual territory, with a stereotypical homosexual lisp, with a Village People accompaniment of "In the Navy." During these impersonations, Ward sometimes delves into masochism with Rivera complaining that O'Reilly won't stop (accompanied by the sound of a whip cracking) even after Rivera shouts out the safeword (a word used to get the dominant partner(s) [aka "the Top(s)"] to stop their actions), "Mizrahi!"
• Pat Robertson (aka Evil Uncle Chuckles): When Jim Ward imitates Pat Robertson, he exaggerates Robertsons' chuckling, with frequent threats to various groups like liberals, feminists, homosexuals, and so on, of being "tossed into the lake of fire" and/or being subjected to various diseases, and as he does it, he gets more and more giggly. The imitation is accompanied by organ music. It also often begins with a metaphor (e.g., the Lord's barbecue), which is then extended into inanity ("... and the potato salad of the Lord's judgement ...")
• Donald Rumsfeld: These impersonations exaggerate Rumsfeld's penchant for answering his own rhetorical questions, and usage of outdated slang such as "heavens to Betsy" or "my stars." Lately, these impersonations highlight that his voice is "getting higher and higher" whenever Rumsfeld fervently defends a position.
• Typical O'Reilly Factor Fan: These impersonations usually have a deep, stereotypically Southern accent. The caller also often says the phrase "Get'er Done," popularized by Larry the Cable Guy. Usually, they reference "biscuits and mustard," and end with a back-and-forth between the Fan and O'Reilly, respectively, "A'right then." "All right." "A'right then." "All right." "A'right then." This impersonation is based on Billy Bob Thornton's Karl Childers character in the movie Sling Blade.
• Fox News Hate Mail Writer: A variation of the Typical O'Reilly Factor Fan, except that they have problems writing extended hate e-mails to Stephanie because they have not mastered the fine art of putting everything in the body of the e-mail, choosing instead to try and cram everything into the "Subject" line. Frustrated, they always end up calling on their wife Lurleen (voiced by Stephanie) to help them work the "TV with the typewriter on it." Lurleen is almost always too busy, as she spends most of her time in the couple's methamphetamine lab.
• Arnold Schwarzenegger: The most lucid and understandable of the "unintelligible" impersonations. These impersonations of the California governor/movie star feature an exaggerated Austrian accent and Ward ending Schwarzenegger's sentences or phrases with "... and these kinds of things" or "... and things of this nature," and "Get to the chopper!"—a line from the movie Predator. Miller sometimes asks "Exactly, what kinds of things?". Another variation of the sketch finds Arnold engaged in a screaming match with Democratic National Committee leader Howard Dean.
• Senator John McCain: Ward plays McCain as a hot-tempered individual, who regularly peppers his speech with foul language (bleeped for broadcast) and other "salty" US Navy terms.
• Queen Elizabeth II: When actions by the British royal family raise to the level of requiring commentary by the show's hosts, Miller will mention such actions in the Stand-up News segment of the show, typically followed by reaction from Ward in the voice of the current reigning British monarch. "... Needless to say ... We are not amused!" Many of the sketches find the Queen recounting distinctly wanton acts of sexual debauchery that have indeed left the Royal Family "very amused."
• "Squeezy McFeelpants"—Former State Representative Al Edwards from Texas, who once banned a high school cheerleading routine deemed by him to be too suggestive. Over a bed of music that could be described at best as not entirely out of place in a porno, he enters, salaciously murmuring "Oh, my ... Oh, my, my, my, my ... Well, how-de-do?" before launching into an increasingly smutty discourse which invariably ends with Edwards being physically hauled away by security, protesting that he is only trying to help/save/protect the group in question.
• Kyle: Actually, this is an original character of Jim Ward's, meant to be a composite of callers to the show that say that if their favorite candidate (specifically Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama) does not get the nomination for President, that they are going to either not vote at all or vote for John McCain in protest. Such callers are admonished not to "go all Kyle on them", or to think rationally because of the grave nature of what they're saying. Kyle's voice is a cross between a spoiled child threatening to hold their breath until they get their way and Ward's Rudy Giuliani imitation.
• Paris Hilton: Ward’s imitation of Paris Hilton on her computer, perhaps sending out e-mails is done in a breathy voice, suggesting that she is a vapid airhead. It is suffused with her ubiquitous reference to herself being “hot” or “totally hot”. There is also the sound of a keyboard in the background.
• Other impersonations mastered by Ward include: Al Gore, William F. Buckley, Jack Nicholson, Mick Jagger, Paul McCartney, Simon Cowell, and Lionel Barrymore.
• Larry Craig: Republican Senator who was caught soliciting anonymous gay sex in an airport bathroom ... and claimed that he has an unusually wide stance and was just trying to get the toilet paper with his foot.
• Governor of Louisiana Bobby Jindal: favorite quote of the Stephanie Miller Show, often played in a strange sexual context: "Because we believe that Americans can do anything."

Self-deprecating humor

Miller pokes fun at herself quite a bit.

• Miller frequently jokes about drinking copious amounts of box-wine and being frequently drunk.
• When criticized by a listener that the show is "sophomoric", Miller actually took the comment as a compliment.
• Although she has no children, Stephanie Miller often refers to herself as "Mama", as do her listeners. She also has a soundbite "she's a slut" which Miller allows Producer Chris Lavoie to apply to her when talking about her future husbands. One time, when Chris called her a whore, she replied with a "thank you."
• She read on her show, as well as posted on her web site, a humorous, but true, biography written by a fan. While reading the biography on her show, she said that the only inaccuracy in the letter is that the "minor plastic surgery" should be replaced with "major plastic surgery".
• Claims that she started her career as a dancer at the "Itchy Kitty" in Reseda, California, and if it wasn't for her radio show, that would be the only thing she would be qualified to do. The Itchy Kitty story is probably false, based on the biography mentioned above. Although there really IS a strip club in Reseda, California called The Frisky Kitty.
• She publicized a very stinging hate e-mail she received.
• Uses a soundclip describing the show as "Ex-Catholic Girl Gone Wild". This is a parody on the Girls Gone Wild videos.
• Uses a soundclip "She puts the broad back in broadcasting."
• Uses a soundclip "She's the life of the Democratic Party. Ignore the lampshade."
• Miller sometimes makes fun of her childhood appearance, including her unibrow, afro, fangs, hammer toe, and gray teeth. Usually, Ward and Lavoie join in on bashing Miller's childhood appearance.
• * Claims that she was "abandoned by wolves, and raised by Republicans". The "abandoned by wolves" phrase is her way of explaining the fangs.
• Jokes that because the owner of the show has taken out a life insurance policy on her life, that he wants her dead.
• Claims to have the supernatural ability to make men gay, because men that she dated in the past have come out of the closet. It has been suggested by Ward, Lavoie, and callers that she use her "gay-ray" to sabotage campaigns and tenures of various politicians.
• Calls herself a "modern-day Jezebel" and a "Happy Harlot", after a call from "Reverend Dan" who accused her of being one.
• On August 6 and 7, 2007, Miller stated she has paruresis, or shy pee syndrome.
• Admitted that eye injuries were accidentally self-inflicted.

Running gags

The show incorporates a variety of recurring comedic elements, including:

• Impressions: Mostly performed by Ward, these vary from slight exaggerations (Bill O'Reilly) to more abstract characterizations (Alberto Gonzales as a creepy Mr. Rogers and Dick Cheney as Darth Vader).
• Nicknames: These include "phone sex enthusiast" Bill O'Reilly, "human muppet" Newt Gingrich, "noted transsexual plagiarist" Ann Coulter (more recently referred to as "succubus incubus" or "junk-toting stick-figure" Ann Coulter), "human Shar Pei" Brit Hume, and "drug-addled gasbag" Rush Limbaugh. A frequent nickname style is (adjective) Mc(noun), something that began with former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan being dubbed "Puffy McMoonface"; other examples include "Beefy McBratwurst" for Dennis Hastert, "Presidential Spokesliar Crony McSnowjob" for now-former White House Press Secretary Tony Snow, "Tubby McTreason" for now-former White House Advisor Karl Rove, "Drunky McPukeshoes" for now-former House Speaker Tom DeLay, "Tappy McWidestance" for Senator Larry Craig of Idaho, "Droopy McTrophywife" for Senator Fred Thompson", Mitch McChinless" For Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell and "Chimpy McCokespoon" for President George W. Bush. White House Press Secretary Dana Perino is often referred to as "The Lying Sack of Cute" or "Tiny Dancer of Deception." McConnell has recent gained another nickname, that of Yertle The Turtle, based on his slow-paced speech patterns. When referred to as such, Ward or Miller will ask if someone can, "feed some lettuce to Yertle."
• The Squeezies: One outgrowth of the McNicknames has become a group of three "legislators" known collectively as the "Squeezies." All three characters, Squeezy McFeelpants, his British counterpart Mashy McGrabAss and their Australian contemporary Fingers Billabong, are voiced by Ward and all follow a similar vein. The characters all make suggestive and borderline lewd comments regarding women in the news. All three characters are eventually hustled out shouting that they are trying to protect the best interests of the women they were referring to. The original character, "Squeezy McFeelpants," was based on then-Texas state legislator Al Edwards, who had introduced a bill that would outlaw overly suggestive dance routines by high school cheerleader squads. Occasionally "Squeezies" from other countries make an appearance when something relevant goes on in other places: examples include Señor Tocapantalones from Mexico, and Gorabyuu ("grab you" said with a Japanese accent) from Japan.
• Vocabulary: Miller uses coined words and phrases such as "celebutard", for a celebrity behaving stupidly, and "Foxpert", for a person of dubious credentials presented as an expert on the Fox News Channel.
• Future husbands: Miller has a list of imaginary "future husbands", usually men who have boldly espoused liberal viewpoints. The original was newscaster Keith Olbermann, and Senator Russ Feingold is regularly alluded to. Many others have been mentioned from time to time, including "crusty old CNN coot" (see "Nicknames" entry above) Jack Cafferty.
• Self-deprecating humor: Miller frequently pokes fun at herself, including her childhood appearance, her career, and her juvenile sense of humor.
• "Official": Callers sometimes call or e-mail the show to ask if they can become an "official" on the show, such as the "official angry college student of the Stephanie Miller Show." Many of these titles are long and include references to their political beliefs. Miller would then grant the title followed by sound effects such as the waving of a magic wand ("ding!"), fanfares, and applause.
• The middle name "Louise." Used by Chris Lavoie whenever he is extremely frustrated with Stephanie. However, doing a recent sketch featuring Sean Connery making multiple sexual innuendoes while talking about golf, Chris called Jim "JIM LOUISE WARD!" Neither Stephanie, nor Jim, nor Chris's middle name is Louise.
• John McCain's age and ill temper. Miller frequently calls him "Grampy." Usually emphasized with several drops from "Futurama" and "The Simpsons," particularly those with Abraham Simpson. McCain also occasionally barks a stereotypical "Hey! You kids get off my lawn!"

Sound effects and drops

Sound effects and short sound clips, or "drops," from movies and other sources are often inserted during discussions to emphasize points. Many are used on a daily or near-daily basis; the sources for some of these are listed below.

• "Computer says no" and "Computer says yes": voiced by David Walliams as Carol Beer in the BBC comedy series Little Britain.
• The distinctive buzzer noise from television gameshow Family Feud, usually employed after an outrageous or inaccurate claim made by a politician.
• "Oh, won't somebody please think of the children!": voiced by Maggie Roswell as Helen Lovejoy in episode 5F18 of The Simpsons, "Natural Born Kissers."
• "What?" from the 1989 movie "Heathers".
• "Whatever!": voiced by Elisa Donovan as Amber in the 1995 film Clueless.
• "Huh?" voiced by Don Messick as Scooby-Doo.
• Sam Kinison's trademark three-scream outburst.
• "I am not one of your FANS!": voiced by Diana Scarwid as Christina Crawford and "Why can't you give me the respect that I'm entitled to? " voiced by Faye Dunaway in the 1981 film Mommie Dearest.
• "Oh, I just think I'm gonna barf!": voiced by Frances McDormand as Marge Gunderson in the 1996 film Fargo.
• "I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.": voiced by Christine Taylor as Kate Veatch in the 2004 film Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story.
• "Hey Jiggles! Grab a pad and back that gorgeous butt in here...": voiced by Hank Azaria and Maggie Roswell as Malibu Stacy employees in episode 1F12 of The Simpsons, "Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy."
• "I am big, it's the pictures that got small" and "Alright, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up" and "Max, Max!": voiced by Gloria Swanson as Norma Desmond in the 1950 film Sunset Blvd.
• "Well, then I just hate you and I hate your ass face!" and "I'll tell you why I can't put up with you people, because you're bastard people": voiced by Christopher Guest as Corky St. Clair in the 1997 film Waiting for Guffman.
• "En garde, bitch!": voiced by Goldie Hawn as Helen Sharp and "You should learn not to compete with me, I always WIN!" and "Now a warning?": voiced by Meryl Streep as Madeline Ashton, both from the 1992 film Death Becomes Her.
• "He was my ... boyfriend!": voiced by Cloris Leachman as Frau Blücher in the 1974 film Young Frankenstein.
• "No, don't speak... Silence, silence! Don't speak!": voiced by Dianne Wiest as Helen Sinclair in the 1994 film Bullets Over Broadway.
• "Good Lord! The rod up that man's butt must have a rod up its butt!": voiced by Hank Azaria as Superintendent Chalmers in episode 4F23 of The Simpsons, "The Principal and the Pauper."
• "Slut! She's a slut! Look at her! Slut!": voiced by Billy Crystal as Larry Donner in the 1987 film Throw Momma from the Train.
• "They drummed you out of Hollywood, so you come crawling back to Broadway. But Broadway doesn't go for booze and dope. Now get out of my way, I've got a man waiting for me." : voiced by Susan Hayward as Helen Lawson in the 1967 film Valley of the Dolls (film)
• "Oh ... my ... God!": from the 1992 hip-hop song "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-a-Lot. Followed in the original track by "Becky, look at her butt, it is so big," it was reportedly voiced by Mix-a-Lot's wife.