Hey guys. Just posted this thread on Twitter and I might regret having done it but if I'm going to keep taking this seriously I probably should air some things.
Thinking about everything that's happened this year; hell, everything that's happened this WEEK, has me thinking about my own place in this weird-ass online economy. I'll be honest, I'm not very pleased with the way I handled this year. If I have a resolution for 2019 it's that.
This might just be public self-flaggelation or even just self-pity, but honestly I just need to TRY to articulate this. This whole year I've been elusive, non-communicative, inconsistent, moody, and often unprofessional. I feel like I have a lot of goodwill with you people, and I hate to think I'm burning through that in some way, regardless of how small. I feel like I have a lot of eyes of artists and other people I respect greatly (whose skills are WELL beyond my station and has me wondering what they see in my stuff lol)
But I *am* hard to reach sometimes, and while I know it's okay to be more withdrawn than most, I don't want to seem completely aloof.
I hope in 2019 I can feel more confident in my output and dialogue with you guys. I *hate* feeling ashamed every day I don't upload something, or don't respond to a note/email.
Not even ashamed for not uploading something, ashamed that I always seem to need some kind of excuse. I just want a healthier outlook on what I do, and the idea that this tid-drawing gig might be legislated out of existence before I even figure it out gives me MANY bad feelings.
Not to get too heavy on The Blue And Purple Asses Variety Hour™ but tbh everything I'm talking about has been my absolute biggest personality uh. Quirk, or flaw, depending how I'm feeling that day. I just bury my head in the sand too much. Have for decades.
Anyways. Changing is hard. Money is hard. Life's hard.
But enough with feeling sorry for myself. I genuinely adore all you guys, and I hope I can properly show it soon. Even if this gig isn't forever, the fact that I had it is pretty absurd (in a good way).
Ultimately actions speak louder than words though, and these *are* still just words. It's time I walked the fucking walk for once.