The Extendables

The Extendables
Directed by Brian Thompson
Produced by Sharon Braun
Brian Thompson
Written by Brian Thompson
Starring Brian Thompson
Marisa Ramirez
Ian Patrick Williams
Gary Graham
Music by Alan Derian
Cinematography Reinhart Peschke
Edited by Peter Bayer
Sherwood Jones
Production
company
Big Guy Films
Release dates
  • August 3, 2014 (2014-08-03)
Running time
 85 minutes
Country United States
Language English

The Extendables (also known as Action Hero) is a 2014 American parody film directed by Brian Thompson. The film is a parody of The Expendables and similar action movies. The director, Brian Thompson said it contained actual events he had witnessed.[1] The film was released on iTunes.[2]

Plot

At the beginning, Brian Thompson explains that the movie is his answer to the question "What's it like to work with Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Steven Seagal or Jean-Claude Van Damme?". By combining actual situations and traits of these movie stars, he created one fictional character, Vardell Düsseldorfer or VD. VD is an aged and retired action movie star, who is now a drug addict and alcoholic.

After a session of training, VD is watching the TV show "Excess Hollywood" (a parody of Access Hollywood). Anchor Tara Gray talks about the return of VD to acting after some political initiatives and goldfish advertising. VD's work is commented on by his fans and colleagues Ralek Gracie, Martin Kove and Kevin Sorbo. VD is going to direct and star in a science fiction movie called "Hard Time on Mars", filmed in Uzbekistan. Infuriated by the mocking, VD shoots the TV.

The shooting begins at "Kremlenski Studios 17". On Day 1 VD shoots a Lightsaber duel between himself and Sir Jeffrey, another aged actor who has had no roles for two years. VD doesn't understand what it means to lock the scene. Also, he intrudes into set decorating. Producer Burton advises the director's first assistant to speak with VD about genitals in order to confuse him and make him get back to work. VD then suggests adding new scenes in the screenplay, but they have no time for this. VD calls his cook, Louie. He cooks the meal that he is asked to, but VD doesn't like it and leaves the set. Sir Jeffrey asks Burton about the script, because it is full of cliches, and the producer says it cost $100,000.

VD begins the second shooting day with cocaine and alcohol. He stuffs kielbasa in his pants so it looks like he has a big penis. On the set he tries to meditate and falls asleep. Then VD wants to choose a toy for his co-star Maria to hit him on the head. Among the props he finds a small missile, makes a certain association and leaves with Maria. In his trailer VD pretends to have sex with Maria, which the crew is able to hear via walkie talkie.

On the thirteenth day Sir Jeffrey and VD are speaking about the movie's plot. Sir Jeffrey thinks sub-villain must be killed before main villain, but uses a metaphor which VD can't understand. It's VD's birthday, so the crew presents him with an exploding cake as a practical joke, and VD is enraged. He scares the crew with a toy shotgun and goes to his trailer with his assistant Sue. They fail to have sex because of to VD's impotence, which constantly worries him.

On the twenty third day VD takes medicine and begins to shoot a fight scene. The stunt coordinator makes a choking grip, rendering VD unconscious. VD wets his pants and the crew have to change them. They find the kielbasa and see a red and blue eagle claw tattoo on VD's genitals. The crew discusses it. This discussion continues on TV, involving among others Patrick Warburton and Craig Kilborn. The medic wakes VD and he goes to trailer with three girls, one of which is his bodyguard's sister, and they pretend to have sex.

Last day of shooting. They need three more days to wrap it up. Burton wants VD to come out of his trailer and sends his assistant Emily for him. VD agrees only if he can photograph Emily's breasts for his collection. She wants €6 thousand from Burton for this. Then the producer asks screenwriter to shorten the script, but he refuses. After arguing with Maria VD fires her. VD wants a flying scene, but Burton against it due to its cost. Then VD begins to break decorations and gets stuck in the fiberglass rock. He tells Sir Jeffrey film's budget is $10 million ($5 million is his fee), but the props are too cheap, so he no longer wants to release the movie. VD reveals Maria was fired at her own request. Sir Jeffrey wants out too. He and VD act as if they have also argued about VD's grandiloquence behavior and VD fires Sir Jeffrey. Burton agrees to shoot the flying scene. VD is lifted on cables. Suddenly he has a heart attack. The crew tries to save him. Sue hits his chest and he regains consciousness. Then VD and Sue run to the trailer. VD's impotence has disappeared.

After VD's rehabilitation, he comes to the premiere of his own movie in Los Angeles. Burton says that there will be a sequel "Hardest Time on Mars" with Salma Hayek. The movie is a hit and grosses a huge box office. Sir Jeffrey has a new rehearsal.

Cast

Also Tara Gray, Ralek Gracie, Martin Kove, Kevin Sorbo, Bruce Locke, Patrick Warburton and Craig Kilborn made cameo appearances.

References

  1. ↑ Valkor (August 22, 2014). "The Extendables Movie Review". The Other View. Retrieved October 28, 2014.
  2. ↑ Staff. "The Extendables". iTunes. Retrieved October 28, 2014.
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