List of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide characters
|Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide character|
|Created by||Scott Fellows|
|Portrayed by||Devon Werkheiser|
|Family||Mrs. Bigby (mother)|
Ned Bigby (Devon Werkheiser) is the main protagonist of the series, who speaks to the viewer and created his school survival guide after being embarrassed when accidentally walking into the girls' bathroom in kindergarten. He often gets into trouble with his friends Moze and Cookie. Ned is a smart boy, but he's also very lazy. Most of the time he scores below average in school (although he's perfectly capable of getting straight A's when he works seriously) and tries to find the easiest way (not necessarily the right or logical way) to solve any personal problem. Because of this, his plans sometimes backfire, but it teaches him lessons that he includes in the guide. Since he was eight years old, his dream girl has been Suzie Crabgrass, but in the series finale Moze and Ned end up dating. He usually turns to Gordy, the school's janitor, for advice. He appears in all 55 episodes of the series.
- Suzie Crabgrass (Season 3)
- Jennifer Mosely (Season 3)
- Missy Meany (Season 2-3)
Jennifer "Moze" Mosely
|Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide character|
|Created by||Scott Fellows|
|Portrayed by||Lindsey Shaw|
|Family||Mr. Mosely (father)|
Jennifer Mosely (Lindsey Shaw) is Ned and Cookie's best friend. Jennifer goes by the name of "Moze," because Ned called her that in first grade to avoid confusion with the other three "Jennifers" in the class. In the first season, a recurring theme is her trying to break away from Ned and Cookie in the hope of finding a girl to be friends with. Eventually, she became best friends with her former enemy, Suzie Crabgrass. She is a volleyball player and has set the most school records, including one for the most school records. She is very talented in Woodshop class. She is also usually the one Ned and Cookie come to for favors. She is a very good student, who most teachers trust, until the episode "The New Kid and Substitute Teachers" when she becomes a bad student around substitute teacher. In the next episode, however, it is forgotten about and she goes back to being a good student. In "Double Dating and The Last of Day of School," she kisses Ned at a dance, and it is hinted at that they are in love. In the final episode, they begin dating. She appears in all 55 episodes.
- Ned Bigby (Final episode only)
- Faymen Phorchin (Season 3)
- Jock Goldman (Season 2)
- Seth Powers (Season 1–2)
Simon "Cookie" Nelson-Cook
|Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide character|
|Created by||Scott Fellows|
|Portrayed by||Daniel Curtis Lee|
Mr. Nelson-Cook (father)|
Mrs. Nelson-Cook (mother)
Simon Nelson-Cook (Daniel Curtis Lee) is Ned's other best friend who goes by the name of Cookie. He is a cyber nerd and he often uses his knowledge with technology to help himself and his friends. He has a motherboard in his locker, his pants double as a printer, and his glasses are a computer display. Even though he didn't like her in the first and second season (she had a nasal issue), he falls for Lisa Zemo after she has a complete makeover in season 3. In some episodes in the 3rd season, he tries to get her to go out for pizza with him, which never works because she has lots of guys to date until the last episode, when he finally gets to take Lisa out on a date. His friends are Ned and Moze. He appears in all 55 episodes of the series.
- Lisa Zemo (Season 2-3)
- Evelyn Kwong (Season 3)
- Vanessa (Season 2)
Gordon "Gordy" (Daran Norris) is the 40-year-old janitor at Polk who never does his job, although the school is normally not visibly dirty. He is obsessed with capturing a weasel that lives in the school, and frequently helps Ned, Cookie, and Moze with crazy activities. If there is a big mess to clean up, Gordy always gives the excuse "Eh, I'll let the night guy get it." At one point he hires an assistant named Jackie who nearly usurps his position as janitor. He was once a dance instructor, and was voted "most likely to amount to nothing" when he attended Polk. He was the class clown, and went to law school 3 times. He was a recurring character in season 1, but became a main character in season 2 and continued until the series finale. He appears in 44 episodes.
Mr. Monroe (Jim J. Bullock) is the Life Science teacher, as well as being in charge of the Sewing Club. He is also the extremely skilled boys' basketball coach. Mr. Monroe appears mostly in the first and second season, followed by an absence for a large portion of seasons 2 and 3. He returns in "Guide to: School Newspaper," saying that he was "living with the penguins" for a year. Although he is flamboyant, he said that he was once a bully.
Suzie Crabgrass (Christian Serratos) is Ned's crush and Moze's rival at every sport, but she becomes her best friend. Having ended up dating Billy Loomer for a short time at the beginning of Season 2, in Season 3 she has a crush on Ned, and they start dating in the episode "Stress and Popularity". She leaves in season 3 but comes back in "Tests & When You Like Someone That Is Going Out With Someone Else". She was Ned's dream girl since she was eight. In the series finale, she hopes at first that she and Ned will be together, but then decides to date Loomer after seeing his change.
Billy Loomer (Kyle Swann) is the leader of a trio of bullies at Polk Middle School and the show's main antagonist. He and his bully friends enjoy picking on kids, especially Ned, Cookie, and Coconut-Head, and he hates the Huge Crew. For much of the series, he is dating Suzie Crabgrass, but he wants to break up with her so he can date Moze. He also has a crush on Cookie's alter ego Simone. At the end of the series, he changes from a violent bully into a kind, respectable, well-mannered young man. His name is a parody of Billy Loomis, one of the Ghostface Killers from the film Scream.
Jerry Crony (Teo Olivares) is one of Loomer's friends, who aids him in bullying, with a penchant for fashion design that he tries to deny whenever he is seen sewing. He tries to ask Missy out a few times in the series but always fails due to his hair and clothes. In the finale, he ends up dating her.
Buzz Rodriguez (Recci Canon) is one of Loomer's friends. He rarely talks; Loomer even states that he has never spoken the entire time they've known each other. In the episode "The Library and Volunteering," he talks for the first time, stating that the reason he's never spoken before is that everything up until this point has been fine, so he had no need to talk.
Missy Meany (Carlie Casey) is a pretty, very popular school cheerleader. She turns out to be a nasty, conceited person who cheats at most anything and will stop at nothing to get her way. She has an obsessive crush on Ned. After finding out that Ned will not return her feelings for him, she goes out with Crony in the finale. She also has two bodyguards, who she cheerfully calls her collection team or "Missy Buddies". In "School Clubs" she rips off Ned's guide with a club called the Missy's Declassified School Survival Manual Club, writing terrible ways to survive school.
Coconut Head (Rob Pinkston) is a dorky friend of Ned, Moze, and Cookie. His real name is never revealed. His nickname is based on his hairdo, which looks like a coconut. He gets chronic nose bleeds, and has been getting them ever since he was three. In multiple episodes it is shown that he is a talented free thrower at basketball. It's revealed that he has an operatic singing voice in the episode "Electives". In the episode "Valentine's Day," he is in love with the Huge Crew.
Martin Qwerly (Tylor Chase) is another geeky friend of Ned, Cookie, and Moze. He is extremely optimistic and is always seen talking, usually insanely fast. People usually cover his mouth during his fast talks or put up a cardboard cutout of themselves next to him and leave. He is the class vice-president. In the episode "Video Projects" he pretends to be a ninja and is caught on video, causing him to become a laughingstock until Ned and Cookie add special effects into the video, making him popular. His name is a pun of the phrase "smart and squirrelly" as seen in the episode "Guide to: Project Partners".
Claire Sawyer (Brooke Marie Bridges) is a student at Polk who aspires to be a lawyer. She often introduces herself by saying, "Claire Sawyer, future lawyer." Usually when she introduces herself in this manner to one of the three main characters, they remind her that they have all known her since pre-kindergarten.
Lisa Zemo (Rachel Sibner) is a geeky and good-natured friend of Ned, Cookie, and Moze who undergoes a complete makeover in Season 3 of the show. She is allergic to many things, including cats, dogs, trees, nuts, and rap videos that exploit women. Because of her chronic allergies (in Seasons 1–2), she is almost always seen carrying a bottle of nasal spray. She had a crush on Cookie, who finds her creepy before her makeover but vies for her attention after it, competing with several boys. She is the class treasurer.
The Huge Crew
The Huge Crew, a girl group of bullies in the school, is led by Doris Trembley, along with Katie and LaKisha. They strongly dislike Billy Loomer and his friends, and they are insanely obsessed with Ned.
Backpack Boy (Kendre Berry) is a student who carries an oversized backpack including many various things. He has a crush on Claire Sawyer.
Bitsy Johnson (Spencer Locke) is a mean, popular girl, seen only in Season 1, who cheats to get high grades and academic awards at school, Moze being her main victim, as revealed on the episode "Cheaters and Bullies". She also tries to humiliate Moze by stealing her diary, and in the episode "Notes" she gets Ned in trouble for passing notes. Her character was replaced by Missy.
Seth Powers (Alex Black) is a basketball player at Polk. He is shown in many episodes to be dumb and is constantly seen spinning a basketball on his finger. In some earlier episodes, Moze is seen to have romantic interest in him, even going out with him several times. In the episode "Secrets", he reveals to Moze that he cannot read well, possibly due to dyslexia.
Coach Joy Dirga
Coach Joy Dirga (Kim Sava) is a tough and aggressive female coach and gym teacher who is often seen shouting harshly at her students. Despite her aggressive nature and tendency to act like a drill sergeant, she has a caring and encouraging side. In "Your Body", she states that her current height is the same height she was in the seventh grade. She enjoys Star Wars and soap operas.
Mr. Sweeney (Don Creech) is a science teacher at Polk. Many of the students, especially Ned, think he is evil. He is often seen as the show's antagonist. He seems to have a large disliking for Ned due to his lazy nature but obvious intelligence. In the series finale, as an "early graduation present," he helps Ned when Ned is trying to hide from Vice Principal Crubbs. After Crubbs leaves, Mr. Sweeney says to Ned that Ned will be remembered as one of his worst students, but also as one of his favorites. He is always seen wearing a white lab coat.
Spencer (Corbin Bleu) is a student in the drama club who is obsessed with theatre. He speaks with a projected theatrical voice and dreams of being a Hollywood star. In the episode "School Plays", Spencer and Suzie play the lead roles in Romeo & Juliet, and Spencer makes Ned jealous by saying that the big kiss will win Suzie over leading Ned to destroying the play which Spencer gets injured in the mayhem. In another episode, "Revenge", Backpack Boy gets revenge on Spencer for stealing his crush, Claire Sawyer. He only appears twice because his actor Corbin Bleu was busy filming High School Musical 2 .
iTeacher (Mo Collins) is a teacher at Polk. She "home teaches" by using a computer and chat server to interact with her students and has another student push the computer around when she wants to talk directly to someone. She has self-esteem issues in some episodes, and is sometimes angered because she is (as she says, referring to the computer) "stuck in a box!"
Principal Pal (John Bliss) The senile former principal of the school who only appears in the final season. He becomes the new social studies teacher when Miss Knap retires. He once had a dream to go roller-blading in Africa, which he wanted to do when he quit. It is revealed in "Halloween" that he has no pulse and a plate in his chest that makes it so his heartbeat cannot be heard, two things he used to convince Ned and friends that he was dead to scare them.
Principal Alistar Wright
Principal Alistar Wright (Meshach Taylor) is a Social Studies teacher at Polk who favors Moze as one of his best students. He later becomes the principal in Season 3. He is also the school's cross country coach. He has a doctorate degree from Harvard University.
Faymen Phorchin (Vinicius Machado) is Moze's crush and later boyfriend in the third season until the episode "When You Like Someone Who Is Going Out With Someone Else", in which he leaves to play professional soccer in Brazil. His name is a play on the phrase "fame and fortune." When he kisses Moze, Moze feels nothing and says there is no spark, unlike Moze's kiss with Ned. In "Bus and Bad Hair Days" the Spanish teacher talks to Faymen in Spanish and he answers back in Portuguese saying that he misses his home in Brazil. His favorite food is steak, which he likes medium rare.
Vice Principal Harvey Crubbs
Vice Principal Harvey Crubbs (Hamilton Mitchell) is the vice principal, an exaggerated spoof of Miami Vice (the name "Crubbs" being an amalgam of the two main Miami Vice characters, "Crockett" and "Tubbs"). Crubbs is always keeping an eye on Ned. He is obsessed with flamingos, mini powdered donuts, and sunglasses. He states to Ned in "Career Day" that he didn't want to be a vice-principal as a teenager, but actually wanted to be a vice-cop in Miami. He took the job as vice-principal as a way to help the kids at school stop themselves from getting to bad places (and because it still has vice in the title).
He has two catchphrases. One is "Crubbs out!", which he says when he leaves. He is also known to tell people "You're fired!," usually said to Gordy, although he never actually means it.
In one episode, when vying for the position of principal, he tricks all the people looking to interview for the position and locks them in a room, until Principal Pal knocks him out and puts him in the trap room. Principal Wright becomes principal. In "Lost and Found," he is discovered to steal things from the lost and found and put them in a special room to keep.
He is also known to tell people that he will be watching them "like this," followed by putting his sunglasses on.
Dr. Xavier (Lusia Strus) is the 8th grade math teacher. She is a self-proclaimed "super-genius" who tends to be quite strict and almost maniacal. She is always seen wearing a drab gray smock, and at one point requires all her students to dress the same way. Her students, including Cookie, seem to fear her in the "Math" episode due to her overly harsh attitude, but when Cookie suggests that math class should be more fun, she changes her rigorous ways and becomes friendlier to her students. She has a Russian accent and loves romance novels. She has a crush on Gordy, who she refers to as "handsome cleaning man," and is shown to want to date him. In one episode, she was revealed to have won bronze medals in Greco-Roman Wrestling and Luge, and is shown on a cereal box with a hammer and sickle on it.
Evelyn Kwong (Michelle Kim) is a studious and smart person who likes competition within her courses. At first, she had a bitter rivalry with Cookie and tended to despise him, but becomes initially interested in him after they accidentally kiss. She soon became madly in love with Cookie and seemed to torment him constantly, both competing against him to be the smartest student at Polk, and obsessively pursuing his affections. Evelyn finally stopped harassing Cookie and started dating Seth (who miraculously became smarter after spending time with her) in the episode "Tests". She was also part of an organization squad to help Ned get organized in the episode "Getting Organized." In the episode, "When You Like Someone Who's Going Out With Someone Else," she begins going out with Seth Powers. She tends to use intimidation to fulfill her goals.
The Scoop (Vincent Martella) is the school's journalist and photographer. He tends to be quite annoying and assertive, which especially annoys Moze. He speaks with a Jersey accent and often wears a brown suit, a fedora, and carries around a camera. Scoop appears only in two episodes of the first season and one episode of the second season.
Dusty Chopsaw (Dave Florek) is the school woodshop teacher. He has an unnatural obsession with woodworking and sometimes acts like he is "attracted" to the shop tools. He favors Moze as his best student and helps her through confusing times by giving her advice such as finding a talent for Ned's talent show and her feelings for Ned. He could immediately tell that there was something more between Ned and Moze. He was also the very first teacher seen on the show. He was in the Season 1 theme song.
Mr. Combover (Steve Bannos) is the choir and music appreciation teacher. He also runs the school plays. He's known for liking the arts and classical music artists like Mozart and Beethoven, as well as having unusual facial hair that runs round the side of his face. He is also a High School music teacher in the mornings.
Dr. Lowe (Fred Stoller) is a quirky character that does two jobs at Polk. He is seen as a study hall adviser and sometimes seen as the school's psychiatrist. He also seems to be the school bus driver in the episode "The Late Bus".
Mr. Kwest (Dave "Gruber" Allen) runs the computer lab, though he knows nothing about computers. He also runs a fantasy war game club and drives the bus. His girlfriend apparently broke up with him in "The Bus."
Rose The Lunch Lady
Rose The Lunch Lady (Loni Love) is a lunch lady who can see the future in the beans, peas or corn. Her predictions always come true but not in the expected ways. She can at times be very obnoxious. In "Electives" she taught a cooking class.
The Weasel – A weasel that runs around the school since the series began (due to an untidy student's locker). Gordy wants to capture this weasel and has used numerous traps in the series and failed. In one episode, Gordy successfully captures the weasel, but after finding a robot that was heading straight towards it, Gordy shows remorse and releases the weasel (and ends up being harmed by the robot). In the series finale, it is shown that the weasel is actually a female when she has given birth of new weasel babies. In "Elections," the weasel was elected Class President. In the episode "Recycling," the weasel won the school's recycling contest after she stole the reusable materials collected by everyone else to use for a nest, including Ned's Guide. The weasel and Gordy end up having a liking to each other at the end of the series.
Killer Bees – A group of three spelling bee addicted bullies, known as King Bee (Carlos Pena), Queen Bee, and Stinger. They always dress in yellow and black, and tend to quickly spell-out insults at people. Their only appearances were "Spelling Bees" and "Best Friends". They always seemed to have an aversion towards Cookie because he was also good at spelling. Later on in the series, they ask Cookie to be part of their group, but this was only so they could have their math grades changed.
Mr. Gross (Steve Bannos) is a teacher with bad hygienic habits, which makes him smell bad. He was seen only two times in the first season.
Mike Grudzielanek (Joseph Ruzer) is a student who is a jock and in the choir who is first seen in season 2. In "Upperclassmen" he and his friends (except Jock Goldman) beat up Ned throughout most of the episode for falsely spraying soda in their faces, taking away their pants and stepping on the wolf logo. It is implied that he might play basketball and football, and he is best friends with Seth and Paul. It is also implied that he got left back a year because he is seen with Jock Goldman and when Ned, Moze and Cookie reach the eighth grade, he is still seen in middle school. He's a parody of former baseball player Mark Grudzielanek.
Doug Secksay is a seemingly popular male student, who always goes surrounded by girls who like him. His face is unseen, since the girls cover him completely. He seems to be of Latino origins. His last name is a pun on the word "sexy".
Palmer Noid (Cameron Monaghan)- A pesky redheaded fifth grader who later becomes a student in Season 3. He is commonly known as the "kid who takes pants."
Albert Wormenheimer – A geeky, schizophrenic student who is like Cookie but he is overweight and picks his nose. He created the popularity list for Polk in Season 3. He was part of an organization squad to help Ned get organized. He taught him how to empty out clutter in his locker and use a calendar. He was in love with a new kid named Bernice, because she also had the same round glasses, enjoyed math and picking her nose, and talked to herself. His nickname is "The Worminator."
Stu – One of Cookie's and Ned's good friends. He is shown to wear glasses, have a bad habit of biting his finger nails, and somewhat be a little geeky like Albert.
Vanessa (Logan Browning) – A student who was Cookie's girlfriend in Season 2. She doesn't appear in Season 3 because she split up with Cookie and went to high school. Cookie brought Lisa Zemo to a dance along with Vanessa.
Lance Widget (name pronounced as wid-jay) is a heavyset nerdy bully who is also smarter than Ned, Cookie and Moze. He tends to be very loud and overbearing, shouting at people, calling nearly everyone a "moron," and constantly reminding people that his last name is pronounced "wid-jay". He was part of the organization squad to help Ned in the episode "Getting Organized", with his organization specialty being school gear. He also carries around a fanny pack everywhere.
Jock Goldman – (Ben Hogestyn) An upperclassman jock who used Moze to get back with his ex-girlfriend Amy Cassidy. After they broke up again, he begins to like Moze in Season 2. In the episode, "Double-Dating," he asks Moze to a dance. To see if he truly likes her, Ned, Cookie and Gordy put Jock through a lie-detector test. Jock truthfully states he no longer has feelings for Amy Cassidy and likes Moze, prompting Moze to agree to go out with him. However, at the dance, Jock sees Ned accidentally kiss Moze (he believed she was Suzie) and leaves her so Ned and Moze can be together. In the aforementioned lie-detector test, Jock also reluctantly admitted to Ned, Moze, Cookie and Gordy that he once got the runs after eating bad roast beef.
The Oboe Twins
Stacy and Tracy Oboe – Smart, nerdy twin sisters who both play the oboe. They are both extremely shy; they would never talk to anyone but each other, and were afraid to be apart. In the episode "'Shyness," Ned and Moze tried to help the twins overcome their shyness, though Tracy did so by copying another person almost exactly and putting "tr" before the vowel (i.e. with Lisa she called herself Trisa).
Psycho Jones – A menacing student who looks like a psycho. He appeared in "Shyness" and "Nicknames." He was angered when Ned (without knowing there was a Psycho) tried to get the nickname Psycho.
Nurse Hunsucker – The disgruntled school nurse who grudgingly helps the sick students. She often has a sour attitude. In "Sick Days," her suspicions of Cookie having the flu had her trying to hunt him down and send him home, to no avail; she also prevented Ned from meeting Mat Hoffman after mistaking him for having a high fever.
Timmy Toot-Toot (Kelii Miyata) – A student of James K. Polk middle school who is notorious for his dangerously powerful and frequent farts, preceded by him saying "Toot toot!" Despite this embarrassing habit, Timmy takes pride in his "tooting" ability, calling it a "super-power." He said it allows him to do certain things, such as sitting anywhere in the movies. He also became angered and felt that Ned was trying to compete with him when Ned accidentally farted in class in the episode "Embarrassment." In "Tutors," Cookie uses him in a project to power a lawn mower by using his farts after eating beans, but things go wrong and an explosion causes his stench to spread throughout the school, making everyone flee in terror. He is played by Kelii Miyata.
Mr. Dren (Charles Chun) – A student Math Teacher in episode "Teachers" and "Math" from Season 1 and 2. At first, he is treated very poorly by the students, besides Moze, and decides (with Moze's help) to scare the other students into listening to him. His name is Nerd backwards. He is very good friends with Moze.
Nelson Duckworth (Colby O'Donis) is a student at Polk Middle School. He only appeared in "Nicknames". Cookie gave him the nickname "Quack". Later, Cookie gave him the nickname "Mr. Duckworth."
Allan Alby (Jesse Heiman) is a bespectacled and ruddy student at Polk Middle School. He is usually seen in most of Ned's classes. His only spoken line in the series is an excited "Yeah!" when he is asked to use the CPR dummy.
Mr. Adam (Adam Conway) is a familiar face around the school. He is a teacher who occurs frequently throughout the series. He frequently serves as a study hall teacher, although he appears as a substitute teacher on the episode "Substitute Teachers." When the students try to give him long explanations he looks at them as if he doesn't care. He appears to be more laid back, if not the most laid back faculty member at Polk. He is usually always seen along with a big group of other faculty members.
Miss Knapp (Ellen Albertini Dow) – The elderly social studies teacher who always likes to sleep, as her name implies. Her replacement is Mr. Pal, the school's former principal.
Mr. Weiner (Marc Weiner) – A substitute teacher who used to be Ned, Moze and Cookie's elementary school substitute. He has saved Ned from the girls' bathroom three times. He tries bringing his little grade school skits with him (including a large walrus with help from Ned) to Polk to make his students laugh. He is seen only in "Substitute Teachers".
Martha Qwerly (Serena Berman) An overly talkative student who is Martin's sister. She only appeared in "Tutors," where Ned put a cardboard cutout of himself and leaves when she talks too much. She talks as often and fast as Martin. She also says that there are a numerous amount of Qwerlys.
Miss Splitz (Melissa Peterman) – A school counselor in Polk who spied on Ned when he did not get good grades. She speaks like R. Lee Ermey to Ned. She talks and looks nice to Cookie. She uses different methods for counselling each student, which tends to make her seem like she has a split personality (her last name being an obvious pun of this).
Mr. Gibson (Art Alexakis) – A music teacher who appeared in "Music Class," his name is a reference to Gibson guitars. The song "Rock Star" by Everclear (the band that Alexakis is the lead singer of) was also featured in this episode.