Crime Doesn't Pay

"Crime Doesn't Pay" is the 103rd episode of the ABC television series, Desperate Housewives. It is the sixteenth episode of the show's fifth season and aired on March 8, 2009.

Plot

Mike moves in with Katherine and she decides to throw a housewarming party. While inviting the women, they notice Susan and Katherine being very civil and Edie asks them about it.

Tom is having a close out sale and Orson drops by and notices a salt shaker but Tom says it is not for sale. Tom gets mad at Orson for thinking his situation is like Orson's. Orson is losing his practice because he went to prison. When Tom leaves to help bargainers, Orson steals the salt shaker. Later, he is picking up his jacket from the couch when the shaker falls out of the pocket and Bree asks where he got it. Bree demands he bring it back to Tom but he refuses because Tom was rude.

When Susan brings over her punch bowl, she notices a painting hanging that Katherine says she loves so Susan reveals that she painted it while on her honeymoon with Mike. After Susan leaves, Katherine takes it down and hangs a picture of Mike and her in its place. At the party, Susan shows them the painting but is surprised that it is gone so when Mrs. McClusky calls Katherine over she explains that it broke when she dusted it. Susan chooses to believe but goes to check the garage anyway, and finds the painting in perfect condition. She tells Mike about it and he yells at her upstairs with everyone listening. Susan shows up the next day and takes the painting back and tells Katherine it is between her and her ex which makes Katherine smile.

After their close out sale, Tom and Lynette have enough money to settle most of their financial problems including paying Bree back. Bree wants to help Tom find a job so she calls her publicist, Bruce, and invites him over to dinner. Lynette tells Tom about the job interview and he is not very excited. At dinner, Bruce insults Orson and after trying to get Tom interested in the job including a trip to Paris, Lynette decides she will take the job but Tom wants the job now so they bash each other in order to get the job but Bruce decides it was time to leave and while giving Bree a hug goodbye, she sees Orson steal Bruce's tape recorder. Bree finds it in his pocket and gives it back to Bruce. Bree later tells Orson that this behavior is over so Orson steals one of her earrings.

Carlos's boss continues to cheat on his wife and is now using Gaby to do it. He demands that she move her plans with Maria to noon so he can meet with his lover. Gaby decides to visit his lover, who works at a hair salon in the mall, and after telling her that she knows she is having an affair with Bradley, she threatens to cut a chunk of Gaby's hair if she doesn't leave. When Bradley shows up at her house, Gaby tells him she is done covering for him and if he doesn't tell Maria then she will so he tells her he will tell Maria and that Carlos is fired. Back at their home, Bradley breaks the news to Maria who doesn't take it well as she kills him by stabbing him in the back. She proceeds to call Gaby and Carlos who discover his body and Gaby comforts her while Carlos calls the police.

Edie and Dave are at a liquor store picking stuff up for Katherine's party and a priest walks up to Dave asking if he remembers him. Dave tells Edie to go start at a different section who quietly listens to Dave tell the priest that he has a new life and would like it to stay that way. Edie later goes to visit the priest and wants to know more about his past, but the priest tells her she should be talking to her husband. Unintentionally, he says goodbye by calling her Mrs. Dash and when she corrects him by saying it is "Williams" the priest apologizes because he forgets she might not take her husband's name. Edie starts searching by entering "David Dash" into an internet search engine.

Notes

The title comes from a song written by Stephen Sondheim and Mary Rodgers for an unproduced musical version of The Lady or the Tiger.

International titles

• French: Les bonnes manières (Good manners)
• German: Verbrechen lohnt sich nicht (Crime doesn't pay)
• Hebrew: הפשע לא משתלם (HaPesha Lo Mishtalem; The Crime Doesn't Pay)
• Hungarian: Nem a mosoly teszi a barátot! (A Smile Doesn't Make Someone A Friend)
• Italian: Le buone maniere (Good manners)